January 27th, 2006
|11:13 pm - winter in the heart|
It’s really a relief when people open up to me. Honestly, when they tell me what’s on their mind, what’s bothering them and what they really think about things, it shows me how much they actually trust me.
Even more, when they do reveal events or things that are bothering them to me, it shows me that I’m not the only one who’s experienced it. I can somewhat share the burden with them, and yet at the same time, help them since I myself have gone through the rough ends of life, especially at an early age.
The problem that I have though, is that I don’t like to reveal my life in depth to others. I like to share perhaps only the surface. I hate sharing my burdens and in life, there are few people that I actually TRUST with all my heart.
But the great thing is that I also got many school friends to open up to me as well. Strangely, they feel an awkward yet somewhat comfort when talking to me. It’s really great, because it opens up a chance to share Christ with them, and how He did wonders in my life.
There are times where people get hurt at a young age, and of course it’s hard to coop with it, and eventually they grow up not relying or depending on others. After enduring such pain in their past, they slowly manage to make progress in life like nothing really ever happened, alone. When people try to reach for them, they push people away feeling that it was the easiest way to assure that they don’t get hurt. But deep down inside, they are lost in thought, and hope that one day, they’ll meet a person that’ll melt their frozen hearts.
Perhaps I played too much Final Fantasy VIII, but don’t think this dilemma cant be reality. I pray that one day someone will help God to melt the rest of my frozen heart.
Current Mood: cold
Current Music: Eyes on me - Faye Wong
January 21st, 2006
|10:57 pm - descriptive day!|
Today was a wonderful, sad, painful, long, hilarious, awkward and interesting day. Lost? Lemme explain the details:
LOL, THE SENS WON! 7-0! OWNAGEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Hehe and work was soooo fun, wow, it was just so great. I got through most of my homework, and a loongggggggg nap. Ah I love today.
I didn’t get to go to auntie rhonda’s wedding T_T, I missed June’s b-day too, and now she’s gonna kill me <.<.
I never understood how painful it is to push carts outside. I offered to help, and OMG IT’S SO PAINFUL! Stupid snow makes it so hard to push, and the fact that my shoes didn’t have any grip wasn’t making it any better.
Work is always long. A 2:30 – 10:00 shift is just so long <.<.
I was talking to a customer, and then it turns out her daughter goes to my school, and then she’s was like, hey, I’ll set u up with my daughter or with one of her friends. LOL, that was so awkward and hilarious! Of course she was jking…. At least I think she was O_O.
A while back like in the beginning of school this year, I was talking with a couple of grade 9 friends, and then they had a friend that I was introduced to, well sorta. Anyways, that girl came in today, and she was so surprised to see me working in the electronics area. When she walked in, both our eyes met and OPENED WIDE O_O. lol, of course we didn’t actually speak though lol. Awkward eh? I actually never caught her name o.o.
Bah, all my days are interesting. I wonder how my classes next year will turn out. There’s a couple of friendships that I wanna fix, instead of just having awkward stares and gestures.
So that was my day, how was urs?
Current Mood: impressed
Current Music: FM Static - Hold me twice
January 17th, 2006
|10:22 pm - a beautiful scenery|
Tired sleepy, all because of MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA! Been reading it like crazy for a while, and how Sayuri describes the culture is AMAZING, and yet in some inappropriate parts of the book, it was very disturbing.
Careers was just going to the computer lab. History, I almost slept in, but technically I don’t necessarily have to pay attention because I am after all ahead of the class. Hurray….. a summative -.-, oh well, math isn’t that hard ^^. And for French, aw geez, Trevor kept singing the OC song. Group wise, it was pretty fun, was in a group with Christina, Kathleen and Trevor. Crap where was Meghan? She has my work -_-
I need more stamps <.<.
Other than that, I just dunno what else to say. Or maybe…… I’m just not comfortable to share. My mind has been scattered everywhere. After exams, it’ll do me some good to get out of the house heheh. Right now, all I really want to do, is lie on the snow, and stare at the stars. I don’t care how cold it is, I just know that my mind will clear after thinking while looking at a beautiful sight.
Current Mood: blank
Current Music: Browneyes - With coffee
January 14th, 2006
|12:33 pm - thanks|
I have often wondered, why do I live upon this daily basis? Go to school every weekday, go to work 3 times a week, piano for one day, and they all end up in the end with me at home, barely ever going out. I like to be more adventurous, more out there. Life isn’t easy, but I don’t want my life to be like a schedule.
There are a lot of things that’s been on my mind lately.
Again and again, I have been struggling with my faith. What I thought was an unbreakable wall, has gotten holes shot through it little by little. When you let your guard down, forget your daily values like devotion and prayer, I understand even more that the devil will strike you hard, to bring you down. And he wont stop, until you fail or until you turn to God.
There’s a lot of things I’m not proud of. There’s been countless times where I failed others, and even myself. A while back, I didn’t even know why I was even existed. But I eventually found out why I was to live. To live for others, to live for Christ, to live to help those in need. To live is the bravest thing a person can do.
We may think we are in this alone. But we aren’t. In our struggles, there are many people that want to be there for us. What is a strong bond? I would think of it as a bond where even you can share the darkest of secrets and cry together, and be there for one another. But most importantly, the strongest friendship, is a fellowship with Christ in the middle.
For all my friends out there, thanks. You may not know it, but you guys are probably one of the reasons why I’m not insane ^^. Over the years, I have made close friends that are considered my brothers/sisters and not once do I not thank God for the warm comfort and the honor to be considered a lil/older brother. Many of you out there probably don’t understand how much you really mean to me. My life already feels like a journey with you all. And honestly, the reason why I say friendship is enough, no presents please ^^, is because it is true. All your friendship is already more of a blessing to me than any material in the whole world (except maybe pho/bbt…. Jk =P). So…. Thanks…. There is alot of people I have yet to thank, and yet are not in my life anymore, and I guess it is sorta a regret that they couldnt hear this.
Current Mood: awake
Current Music: Guangliang - Tong Hua
January 10th, 2006
|10:20 pm - the mystery of life|
Aw geez, that is scary! People had been so worked up about Haruna that they even posted her email on a website. AW geez, Stockers lol
I look bak at some of my conversations (hurray for the history saved thing for msn), and a bunch of my entries from my old account and wow, have I changed even more ever since last year?
I know I said this last year as well, it looks like I change dramatically every year, figuring out more and more about who I am, and in some ways, that thought scares me. I don’t know who I’m gonna become, where I’m gonna go, who will I trust, or especially when the next big event that will impact my life once again.
Just the thought of who I’m gonna be with, what job will I have, how many kids will I have, where will I live, or how will I act, all those questions about the future is just WHEwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww…. The questions intrigue me. I guess that’s wat makes it so exciting eh? The mystery of life as it unravels itself slowly part by part.
And what’s even MORE scarier, is the thought of every action that I’m doing my life, is affecting my future. If I did things completely different than what I have done in my life, I wonder what person I would be?
Wow, I really gotta practice piano!!!! Hm, interesting, this song (Rosette - Crushed) has suddenly gotten my attention o.o
Current Mood: awake
Current Music: Rosette - Crushed
January 9th, 2006
|10:51 pm - TONG HUA!!!!!!!!!|
WHEEEEwwwww where to start now that we’re back to school?
Careers was pretty fun. Everyone was progressing so fast that it made me look bad lol. It was fun mostly because of the huge conversation we were able to have in our lil groupie of Julia, Kim and Sherwin.
History…… poey, I didn’t haf to do all that work for the summative. So basically I’m ahead of the class, and just sitting down and chatting ^^. Switched spots because of the room.
Ahead of math class as well. Turns out I’ve learned more than I’m actually suppose to know o.o. Was a lil worried about Kourtney and Kathleen though o.o, seems something was up O_o.
And guess wah? I’m ahead in French as well. I’m TOO FAR! Aw geez, I so wasted my time during the holidays!~ I know, I’m still not done the Tanguy thing yet T_T.
Ah i finally got the chance to try to play Guangliang - Tong Hua on piano! OHHHHH it's such a good piece. Maybe that's why i almost haf it memorized ^^.
Current Mood: amused
Current Music: Guangliang - Tong Hua
January 7th, 2006
|11:35 pm - silence......|
Wat a longggggggg day o.o.
Sol and Ben came over after I worked, and DOA 2 ALL DAYYYYY lol. R1!!!!!! YESH!!!!
That was basically it for the day.
MSN is such a strange… emotionless way of communicating. Perhaps that’s why I feel like either just writing letters or phone calls. But they cost quite a lot of money don’t they?
It’s just awkward because with MSN, there’s always gonna be those times where dead conversations happen. Like this:
Person #1: Hi
Person #2: Hello
Person #1: How are you?
Person #2: Good and you?
Person #1: Good
Person #2: So watcha up to?
Person #1: Nm, just chatting, u?
Person #2: nm
Depressing isn’t it? And it’s true, that’s wat happens to all of us. We are stuck with this type of conversation, and practically nothing happens unless you guys meet in person again or something to give it something else to talk about.
Perhaps that’s why so many people are discouraged to go on msn regularly. It’s just...... having conversations without really having socialization. Wat's probably even more annoying is the fact that you talk to 10 people, and all of them end in a dead conversation and awkward silence. There’s something u can learn everyday from a single person, and yet….. it’s just ends up the crappiest conversation ever asking about the most non-informative questions. And worse of all, for those who are really expecting to know another person even more, and just end up with dead conversations, probably makes them feel somewhat discouraged about their friendship/relationship.
But I guess communication is sorta a way to tell how close you are to that person. Obviously a person who talks to another person practically everyday of their life, is usually close to that person and treasures their friendship/relationship. It may explain how much you really trust a person, and how you really are and wat you believe in. Without communication, there wouldn’t be much of a relationship would there?
Current Mood: i'm doomed -_-
Current Music: Rie Tanaka - Mizu no Akashi
January 5th, 2006
|09:35 pm - best day of the holidays ^^|
Ah today was sooooooo much fun! Just what I need before I go crazy over homework and summatives T_T.
Met up with Tavis and his friend Alex. Bused down to downtown after that and met everyone at Pho bo ga: Onee-chan, Wendy-hime, Tavis, Alex, Kev and later on, steve came in late.
Hurray! I GOT MY MITTENS BAK! ^^, ah the sweet life of warm hands. I'm sure u had fun with them eh Wendy-hime? Ah the SWEET SCENT OF PHO!!!! OH GEEZ, IT'S SO GOOD! IT'S BEEN TOO LONG! *drools.......
It's a shame though, the BBT stores were closed T_T. Ah and I shall get wendy-hime and onee-chan bak for throwing that snowball at my head -_-. Went to Ruby's store, and looked around for a while. And kev and tavis's jackets just kept ringing lol, tsk tsk.
Was gonna go to rideau, but then it got too late and onee-chan, wendy-hime and I had to leaveeeeeeeeee and do our homework T_T. So we split up and went to our bus stops. Hurray for pictures.......... except the pink and purple hat that was shoved on me -_-, the ear muffs were comfy ^^.
So that was my day, bus bak home later with frozen feet due to the fact that my shoes (semi-dress shoes) were soaked and had a puddle of its own on the inside. T_T, OH and I had LASAGNA when I came bak home! mhmmmm yummy. What a perfect day ^^. Now the terror begins as I read 100 more pages of this very depressing story.
P.S. Freaky Jude law and his snake eyes. Yeah, I said it wendy-hime... FREAKY!
Current Mood: amused
Current Music: Gundam Seed - Anna ni Issho datta no ni (Instrumental)
January 4th, 2006
|04:46 pm - hm, interesting|
|How You Are In Love|
You take a while to fall in love with someone. Trust takes time.
You give and take equally in relationships.
You need your space and privacy. You don't like to be smothered.
You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change.
You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.
Current Mood: busy
Current Music: Yuki Kajiura - believe
January 2nd, 2006
|11:45 pm - if only....|
I wonder what it would be like…. to be forgotten.... by the people you cared about. It sounds painful, perhaps even worse than any physical injury.
In a way, life is sorta like a game. Of course it’s more serious than just some random enjoyment, but each part plays a significant role to your life. As you go on further through life, you become stronger, and you learn to adapt through situations. Let’s not forget the hard times, the fact that it hurts, and changes who you are forever.
Scary thought isn’t it? You may even lose those precious to you, you may be born with a curse that haunts your life forever, or you may be lucky and enjoy the rest of the “game”. The standard game will consist of a series of difficulty at the beginning, but as you face every challenge, you become stronger, and the “game” becomes a lot easier.
You start on a journey, meet some friends that will always right by your side, or some friends that you never got along, but as the “game” progresses, you become closer. Or perhaps…. The people that are carrying the mask of a friend, that suddenly backstab you.
In my whole life, I’ve slowly begun to understand more and more of God’s pain. For the people you love to turn their backs to you, some may not even notice, while some does intentionally. How many times, do we forget Christ? How many times are we ashamed to be known as a Christian?
If only, we could share our pains with each other, perhaps the world wouldn’t be so bad. It takes a relationship built on trust, to be able to speak about your problems. It takes courage to spill your concerns and the things that are troubling you. Keeping it inside, will only make it worse.. I know this...... Because that’s what I’ve been doing all my life, even now. I know because I've kept everything that's bothering me to myself.
I'm determined to change. I want to become stronger... not brute strength, but to have a strong heart, like Christ.
Current Mood: determined
Current Music: Browneyes - Already one year